Tag Archives: worries

Learning to be thankful and lead a minimal lifestyle.

I will be the first to admit that I’m very used to getting my own way and getting the things I want. A lifestyle that tough to maintain and keep track of online orders. Lately, with a whole new family life, a rather large wage cut and a whole lot to pay out for, (ahem, adult life) it has made me start to change my ways, my habits and begin to live as quite the minimalist. A change of tune you could say.

I was never privelaged by no means. However, growing up, I was always provided for and gifted treats and shopping days. Nothing lavish, but enough to keep a gal satisfied. I had a whole lot more than some but always wanted more. When I turned 16 and began to work, I made my own money and got used to having little ties, a monthly income and weekly treats.

My shopping habits increased from odd treats here and there to weekly packages from Topshop. I didn’t care, I had no concept of adult life, bills, the cost of living etc. I took much for granted and lived reckless. Nights out, consuming too much alcohol, shopping sprees, cigarettes. You name it.

I dread to think of what i could have saved had I been more aware of the daily cost to survive in this climate and been less greedy. It was all too easy and made for temporary bouts of happiness. There is nothing that a new pair of shoes can’t fix, right?

Wrong. Since moving from home and beginning my own chapter in life, I have come to realise that the shoes in my closet don’t Infact bring any element of happiness. If anything, they are a danger hazard as they collapse from the wardrobe on a daily basis.

I suppose what I am getting at, is that I now realise how foolish I was to have such ludicrous spending sprees. No material will find you happiness, something I have soon discovered. Happiness comes from the heart, feeling good and a sense of well being. I’m trying to be more grateful of what I have, than cry over what i don’t have. I still have the ability to buy treats but I don’t necessarily have a need for treats any more. A blue sky and a dose of fresh air can provide so much more thought provoking feelings than any material item may bring.

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Treats are my family: My baby girl, my fiance. The life we build together surrounds me with hope and joy. Five years from now, I don’t know where we will be, I know we will have to work damned hard to get there and to live cautiously for some time in the process and I am OK with that…That is of course that I don’t fall victim to a shoe collapse and rot under a pile of black boots and Nike.

In all honesty, learning to be more frugal is a bit of a struggle. I am very used to having my own funds to spend freely. I have gone from daily shopping and trips to the store for some goodies to returning items to the shelf, making cuts where I can in weekly shops and letting online shopping baskets remain filled with items now “out of stock”

I miss the freedom of having no ties with money and having a lifestyle where I could get away with being a little lavish, treating others. Now, as a parent and a wife to be, there are more important parts of my life than shopping. Cutting past habits is tough and feeling the strain and the stress of money is tough.

Im working to find a better health and well being, a better balance and a stronger version of myself. So long as my baby is always provided for, my partner is happy, I shall be happy.

It is funny. Life really does change you when you become a parent. Everything is seem so differently. Worries grow, your mind works around the clock, you get by on a lack of sleep but most of all, your heart grows and you grow with it. My daughter has brought so much happiness and given so much purpose. I suddenly feel everything and every emotion.

I am most absolute in love, not just with Eleanor, but with Euan, with life. I am in love with our future plans,the idea of more babies, the thought of a new home, a new City. Life, there is so much on offer.

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As a child, I would always wonder why my Mother would always treat my siblings and I but never dare splash out on herself, now that I am a Mother, my perspectives have changed and my motives of happiness differ, I can understand why my Mother never put herself first. She was a Mother and a child’s happiness is what brings  happiness all around.

Today, I feel thankful.

No, the housework can’t wait.

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I have chosen to share my views today surrounding becoming a new Mother and juggling the daily household tasks and general maintenance around the home. Something I am sure that all Mum’s dread. I have decided to write about this as it plays a big part in my life, perhaps more so than it should. Or I should let it.

Housework, a drag to each of us on any regular day. Throw a baby (literally) into the mix and it becomes a race to complete the daily chores. You feel that it is never ending and these days, in my case.. it really is never ending. I find that I get through one lot of chores only to have to begin again. It is an endless and thankless task.

All too often, especially of late, I have been told that the housework can wait. That it will be there for another day, during this time period I should take it easy. Strangers when out shopping have even warned to take it easy. Weird, I know.

I should sleep when my baby sleeps. Take all the rest I can. In my experience, this is much easier said than done. It is all too easy to tell someone to rest or to sleep when they can. I, as a breastfeeding, mess obsessed, Mother of a two week old, cannot rest. I cannot go for a nap knowing that the bathroom is waiting be cleaned or that the bedding is to be stripped and washed. It is not my nature. I can only settle when all is in order.

I am definitely obsessed with mess and cleaning up, my obsession frustrates me and those around me. I hate being surrounded by clutter and the sign of a mess building up builds a great anxiety within and sends my OCD; obsessive compulsive disorder, into overdrive. I cannot simply leave things be, I must interfere. As soon as I notice any crumb or dog hair, I’m at it with the Dyson. No matter what time of the day (or night) it is.

 I  am a maniac for hoovering and have recently discovered that I can hoover as well as do a good surface wipe down as I breastfeed my baby. This is super convenient,  if not a little risky (there have been no accidents yet, Eleanor is fine, don’t worry)

I know that with a new baby, I should try to relax and catch some alone time. It is important, especially to take are of myself. Mess is imminent and cleaning up CAN wait, it is my mindset that cannot. I’m on edge knowing that I should be doing something. I do feel that I’m wasting my time when I’m on a manic clean spree and I do feel guilty that this is time where I could be lying with my baby and sneaking in some cuddles as she sleeps. There is simply so much else to be doing or worrying about. Life doesn’t wait and I am missing out on those precious little moments with Eleanor, I am very aware of this.

 

Yes, newborns don’t do very much and there is not so much to be missing out on. Though, I don’t catch every whimper, ever grimace, smile or even snore due to the fact I am running around trying to extend my capabilities and get whatever it is I must get done. Important or not. This still brings me guilt and I wish I could just relax push the over excessive anxieties aside and just take the time to chill and watch over my baby girl.

I simply cannot help this cleaning obsession I have been struck with. I don’t know when it really began, I suppose I’ve always been a neat freak and had set ways, I like things to be tidy and in place. If something is ever out of place, I have to fix it there and then. Dining table place mats, coasters, photo frames, I could go on.. and on. I just can’t relax when there is mess around. Some will perceive mess in a much different way than I do, what I think is messy doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone will.

I need to try to find a way to relax my mind and break this horrible habit. I don’t want to miss out on time I could be spending with my baby due to some crazy obsession. I know there is a happy medium out there and I know that mess isn’t the end of the world. I just have to work on chilling out and taking that little bit of extra time for myself, and for my baby girl. I need to work on this unhealthy routine I have got myself into and improve myself for the benefit of my baby, my family and finding the right balance. As far as balance goes.

Let’s be honest, spending the weekend worrying about the household chores is no way to be spending time with the family. Especially now, with Euan back at work and family time being so strained. I’ll post an update soon with my thoughts and how I am getting on as I try to break old habits and get into a healthy mindset. Here’s hoping come a little time I will be able to kick off those shoes, get my slippers on, and sit back with my family to embrace full relaxation mode – without eyeing up potential spots to polish!