When you think of the birth of your first child, the first thing that you think of is the excitement and the adrenaline rush. The waters breaking, running off to hospital in the early hours with your partner in a mad rush. How naive was I to think that it would be so easy?
In my case, I feel like my first experience of child birth was taken away from me and planned in a way which was nowhere near the expectations that I had built up and made me feel less excited bout the whole experience. Three long days in a ward, being awoken every three hours to be monitored or have your cervix examined is not exactly what I had in mind and I feel this drained myself, my mind and my body for when child birth was imminent. I was admitted on Monday the 28.08.17 for an induction process due to my baby being small and having raised concerns as her growth had stopped. It wasn’t easy news to take but I went with the advice I was given with little understanding of what was next to come and the tests my body would face.
Over the course of three days and sleepless nights, I had hormones inserted into my body to try and force the onset of labor. Not only did I find this unnatural but it was undignified and draining. Both to myself and to my boyfriend. I tried to remain in high spirits but with being stuck in a ward and unable to leave bed for long periods due to being monitored every four hours it took it out of me. My excitement was taken away and I just wanted the whole process to be over. I didn’t feel like I would ever meet my baby. It was tough at nights. Lonely and the sound of babies hearts being monitored was ongoing all through the night. Needless to say, I rarely slept. The anxiety just kept building around what was to come.
I felt a failure, I had kept so well over my pregnancy course. I exercised daily right up until the day of induction, got plenty of fresh air, ate well – some days I exceeded ten pieces of fruit. I took vitamins daily and kept my spirits high. I didn’t understand. It felt like my body was failing me and my baby. An induction is not natural and babies shouldn’t be forced. All I wanted to do was to go home. Euan was with me, by my side daily. Had I not had his support, I’d have went crazy. The hospital was no place for me and was making me feel unwell.
When the consultant gave the all clear it was just a matter of waiting anxiously to be taken to the labor ward when a space became available. I had never been nervous about labor until the induction began and concerns for my baby were raised, now I was a wreck. Worried and scared. I couldn’t even picture myself holding my baby. A story I will save for another day.